I Miss the Olsen Twins - Optus Hype June 2018

My relationship with the Olsen twins began like any childhood friendship: tentative before turning into complete obsession. A couple of years younger than Mary-Kate and Ashley, I was confused by their turn as Michelle Tanner on Full House: how could this baby I was watching be older than me? By the time I was cognisant enough to realise that what was on the screen in front of me wasn’t in real time, the twins were off to grandmother’s house and I wanted to go with them.

My sister and I were obsessed with Mary-Kate and Ashley. Just 18 months apart, we were often mistaken for twins and at some point, not only did we stop correcting people, we would insist that they were correct in their assessment of us having once been the same egg. We rented every straight-to-VHS movie we could get our hands on, lamenting that we had only three nights to watch it on repeat. We taped every straight-to-television special we could find. These days, I tell people my favourite movie is Casablanca, but really, it’s the Olsen twins’ 1993 blockbuster Double, Double Toil and Trouble (an evil twin masquerading as the good one while the latter is trapped in a mirror, a family home in trouble and Eric McCormack as the hot dad – what more could you want?).

Like any real-life best friend, the Olsen twins were a constant presence in our house. I wanted to do everything they did. When the “super duper snoopers” came out with a series promising to “solve any crime before dinner time”, my sister and I took on the same mission. I was proud of being the same height as Mary-Kate. I took photos of her flicked-out layers to the hairdresser.

There comes a time in pre-teen friendships when you start to drift apart. It’s not usually anything specific: a gradual changing of personalities, the introduction of new people, different curfews. One day I woke up and realised I had nothing in common with the twins anymore. While I was still 12, they were suddenly 15. They had ditched the mystery sagas for round-the-world rom-coms. (Case in point: the unspeakable travesty of 2000’s Our Lips Are Sealed, which saw the twins in Australia under witness protection. One IMDB reviewer called it “the worst movie I have seen in my life”.)

I didn’t know who these girls were anymore. They were making decisions I didn’t agree with, mixing with the wrong crowds. They had changed. I pretended I was embarrassed for them, but really, I was hurt at being left behind. Their old friends (read: fans) had served their purpose and now it was time for the twins to go off without us.

Of course, leaving acting to pursue fashion was the right decision for them: their two labels, Elizabeth and James and The Row, are much more refined than their acting skills ever were (though props to their sister Elizabeth for taking up the mantle), and despite the disintegration of our one-sided relationship, I really do want what’s best for them (even if their labels are priced way out of my budget).

The years went by and social media took off, yet Mary-Kate and Ashley never wanted any part of it. I catch glimpses of them on other people’s Instagram in the same way I come across people from high school I’m no longer in touch with. I see that Mary-Kate is married and has two step kids. The paparazzi have trouble capturing the twins anywhere but on a smoke break outside their studio.

I wonder how they’re going, whether they’re happy and, most of all, do they ever think of me?

This story originally appeared on Optus Hype in June, 2018.
Main image: Getty Images.